You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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