we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
