Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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