i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
