If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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