ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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