elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
