last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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