I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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