oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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