My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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