then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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