I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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