i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm bleeding and have questions
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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