Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
