Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
