Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
