My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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