you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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