He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
