Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
