am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
