i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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