youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
