Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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