dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
