I skipped work to stalk him.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
