my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
