i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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