eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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