I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
