I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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