Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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