im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
