Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
