I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
