it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
