Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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