My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
