Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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