totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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