mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
