I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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