She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
my liver is dry heaving
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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