I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
