I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
worst night to have a conscience
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
