I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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