yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
