She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
