my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
