Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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