xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
