You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
