Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
