wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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