The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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