genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
