dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
