His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
