I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize