cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
