Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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