I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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