Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
