Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh god it's open bar.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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