Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
