i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
