my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think my moral compass just broke
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
