she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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