Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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